I guess just because you haven't blogged lately dosent mean that I shouldnt

So we have honestly gotten through a heck of alota stuff together these past few weeks & only by the strength of the Lord do ibthink we were able to do it. I love you SO much and even though this weekend is going to be tough I know we will get through it & i know that I'll get to see you the following Monday. Just please never forget that I love you baby I really really do love you <3


P.S if you see this remind me to let you hear the voice note

Sometimes I just wish you'd know

That those little things (messages and phone calls) mean alot more then you think.

I love you

Let's strike out the past few weeks & start fresh

So the past few weeks i may have done some pretty stuid things and made some pretty stupid choices and to be honest I wish I had never fallen in the first place. I wish our relationship wasn't suffering bc of my bad choices but it is and I am sorry. I have decided that you are more important to me then drugs will ever be. So let's move on & before we know it we will be really happy again <3

We talked on the phone for a total of 18 minutes

Those eighteen minutes made my day you don't even know, going to school all day is a part of life but facing all the haters, listening to all the bullshit etc isn't the fun part. I get so insecure at school surrounded by people who think they are better then me I try my best to smile at everyone I pass in the halls but I never get many smiles back but beyond the point that I strongly dislike school is the fact that I strongly strongly love you & it's incredibly amazing. Talking to you puts a permanent smile on my face for the rest of the day. One of the reasons I always text you is because I love saying cute things that could potentially put a smile on your face :) I love you baby

Baby

Tbh, I love you very very much. I know I haven't blogged very much latley its just I have seen you so much it's crazy! But I have to stop skipping bc I have skipped 6 classes in 2 weeks that's bad :/ but whatever I'm not worried about that! Baby I want to thankyou very much for being there for me last night when I told you about how my relationship with Christ and how it was weak you helped me through you made me make a decision & that's exactly what I need someone to give me that little boost of encouragement . Zachary Jackson I am madly inlove with you & I am planning on spending the rest of my life with you. I know I'm high strung alot and the fact that you still love me through all my craziness is crazy on it's own... But I love you and thankyou for helping me last night I feel so much stronger <3 thanks for having my back baby love you lots

You rapped tonight

Man was it ever amazing,it sounds so free & so natural that it's amazing I loved it & I am not just saying that like it's the truth.

And also baby this week I am going to try REALLY hard to not freakout or get angry at you I will try hard I promise <3

Does he truly get it ?

Does zach truly understand that the little blog posts, facebook display picture change & the cute little things actully mean the world to me. The fact that he changed his display picture to a pic of just him & I actully made me want to ball tears of happiness (it meant the universe to me) and even more amazing is the fact that he's writing me something like that is the cutest ( but I'm not getting my hopes up he will probably forget )

Your the man I want, but it is way to good to be true

To be honest, everyday I think about how truly amazing you are and how lucky I am to be with you. But then again lately I have been having seconds thoughts, I totally feel like I am going to loose you its not just a thought but a daily reality that mentally, emotionally and spiritually my entire life is going to change because you are going to walk out of it. Now I want you to close your eyes and picture right now a daily fear of not being with the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. Not only does its bring tears to your eyes, and churning sensation to your stomach but a deathly terrifying chock to your heart thinking that you are going to be single and watch the one you love go off and spend forever with someone. 
I am not implementing anything, I defiantly don't want to leave you and I definatly don't want you to leave me either its just whenever I look into your eyes I fall more madly inlove with you and I think you have the right to know how truly scared I am to loose you one day. You are THE best thing that has ever happened to me (other then giving my life to Christ OBVIO ;) ) but i DONT want to loose you. I need you to promise me make a decleration an oath (I know it sounds dumb but its true) i need you to show me your not going to hurt me to leave me to break me to tear me down instead I need you to love me at my best and my worst and show me you never want to loose me cause baby i dont want to loose you EVER.

I try my best you know

I try my best to make you happy, to blog cute stuff, to say cute things i try really hard & at the end of the day... Never mind you don't care :/

please listen to this

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0hkpLINoGSQ , I started balling thirty seconds in.

All thoose stars in the universe

there beauty still dosen't explain my love for you in any way shape or form

im missing him alot

and all I want him to do is understand how upset I am and how much I love him. All he needs to do is tell me im beautiful and tell me he loves me but then at the end of the day its still Skyes pictures that are going to be liked on facebook and I just hate being jealous I really do I want him to understand how much I care about him but how scared I am for him to break my heart.

something has dawned on me

if God hadn't of kept you here to do some rapping then I would be saying goodbye to you in less then a week. Your room would be cleaned and all packed up, I wouldnt have a drawer I wouldnt have a place in your heart. Instead you would have been leaving Innisfil and not coming back to stay for probbly the rest of your life. I write this with tears streaming down my face because I honestly don't know what I would do if you were leaving in less then a week. We wouldnt exist, we wouldnt be close, and even if we were in love it would have never worked, I feel like this is a sign that me and you are meant to be God changed everything in both of our lives really drastically then we ended up being together. strange I know. <3

After everything

after everthing we have gone through in this one month, after all the late night phone calls, early morning wake ups, cute sappy actions, crazy freakouts, stupid  conclusions, bad hair days, pms bitchy ness, seeing me high as a kite, screwing around wal mart late at night, and tons of hours just laying in bed you still are by my side, you are still crazy about me and I am still head over heels crazy about you too. I cant wait till the day I get to spend forever with you you make me happy everyday please never stop please never leave me because I promise I will never leave you. Don't stop your shinning and never ever will I stop my loving you. <3

IM SO MAD

IM FRUSTRATED I JUST DONT KNOW WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW THAT EVERYONE KNOWS. I LOVE ZACH MORE THEN ANYTHING EVER (OTHER THE GOD OBVIO) BUT WHATS GOING TO HAPPEN NOW THAT EVERYONE KNOWS, HES GUNNA TREAT ME DIFFRENT HES GUNNA BE DIFFRENT UGHHH :(

Tonight

So tonight was a very interesting one, alot of events took place. I woke up at 9:05 for the carnival then called you & woke you up. The carnival was great we got assigned to the same thing which made me really happy. We went to my place for dinner food was alright but that conversation with the rents that was horrible. But whatever we got over it then we went to retro planet it was a blast ! Starbucks was tasty then we check our phones ..... LOTS of missed calls and texts asking us where we were then when I call Clara we get bitched at you snapped. You hit the steering wheel really hard & screamed. You started to cry & I honestly thought we were done. But the fact that we talked and prayed and decided to take ourselves outa that situation made me really happy. Truth is I had alot of fun with you tonight . Walking along the waterfront eating mc don dons and just spending time with you made me really happy. Zach I really love you & that will never change <3

We slipped up today

We messed up today & the entire time at work I beat myself up until i realized that were both human. This is both of first Christian relationship and our last and as a team the two of us need to work together to get through these challenges. I love him ALOT and I really just want the two of us to be happy ! :)

We talked for 79 minutes

And I already miss him, why in the world have I fallen so inlove ? Honestly I am in constant pain of missing him. This boy can put a smile on my face no matter what. Like I never want to hang up the phone and truth is because I never want to stop hearing his voice it just puts a smile on my face and a security blanket around my heart. I can't wait till tomorrow cause then I get to see him <3

i really miss him alot

i feel so weird, my body is starting the transition back into school and its just so weird.l i don't want to go back to school and him leave me thats really my biggest fear. i just want him to make me feel so secure that hes going to help me through the tougest year school wise ever but i just dont want to put him through it. idk :(

Laying in bed with my window open

I heard some noise and looked out my window where I saw 8 guys walking down the street. They were alright looking well preps and all I thought was why can't my boy be outside my window ?

Laying in bed solo

So it's Tuesday night and I already miss him like crazy. I wish he was laying next to me in bed right now or atleast I wish I knew he was coming home to my bed. He dosent even know were screwed over for next Saturday dinner at my house then out or back to his house for some fun. Nope instead were stuck sitting at dereks with a whole bunch of our "friends" who have no idea that were together. Honestly it's stuff like this that is very frustrating to me our special night turns into a night with a whole bunch of people who are suppose to love us but wouldn't even beable to accept us if we came out to them. Then times like this make me second guess our relationship I don't think it's fair that it's so easy for him but so hard for me like for fuck sakes times like that make me question everything. Then I get sad he gets mad we get into a fight and there goes a Saturday night. I don't know maybe if he saw this he would understand I just want him to understand. <3

after what my dad said today, im really worried

my dad said that zach is just annoyed of me and before I know it hes gunna break my heart like everyone else has.

I don't understand why really

each day I fall more and more inlove with you, especially the past weekend I just can't explain it and each day I fall more incredibly inlove with you its crazy.

the notebook quotes

"they didn't have much in common, they arqued about everything, and faught and disagreed, but man they were crazy about eachother". remidn you of anyone ? ;)

bucket list AKA things we have to do together

- go to Lazenza (just a must)
- watch a Cinderella story starring Hillary duff

watching the note book

really wish you were here right now <3

awwe ;)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eK68Y3oMEk8
I was watching this trailer (yes i was watching cute sappy love movie trailers) but beyond the point, when the little boy said , "If shes your soul mate go get her back" I am not worried about ever loosing you and that is simply because your my soul mate and we are meant to be so know matter how tough it may get some times I know I am always going to run back to my man and thats  a promise.

Man Oh Man

I really really love this boy, everything about him is beyond amazing, I cant wait to hear him rap that one verse he posted on his blog ugh it send shivers up my back ive always wanted a boy to write me a song but this time it was a man and damn right im so happy that i have him <3

I had to say goodbye tonight

I had to say goodbye to you tonight, it was one of the hardest things I've done it was so difficult more then last week cause I just so spent so much time with him this weekend that saying goodbye just couldnt be done that I couldn't look at him when I left. You called me a gold mine , beautiful , constantly told me you loved me and made me feel special. Baby I love you & even though its difficult that you work alot I love that it strengthens are relationship. I love you forever & ever & always

i love him

The Radio Dept. - Domestic Scene / Heaven's On Fire

i don't want to loose you

i cant loose you, you make me the happiest girl this world has ever seen. you make me feel like ghjrgjkrthrejghjre i cant explain the feeling with any metaphorical example. im so madly inlove with you that all i can do is sit here and ball my eyes  out because zach im so fucking scared to loose you its un believable. this is everything i got second to God. Im giving up the rest of my life to spend it with you. think at my age you were partying it up, living for the moments now your 21 years old most people at 21 are ready to settle down, kids at my age dont give a fuck and zach im giving that all up to give you my heart and my soul and everything that comes with it. dont break my heart please i beg you i love you and i cant loose you because im giving up everything for you to be my everything one day, dont screw that up for me please.

i fucking am in a pissy mood

i have a splitting head ache
i miss you like crazy
im having hot and cold flashes
im worried about how everythings going to play out this weekend
and im scared that nothing is going to go right.

Friday night

I honestly can't wait to share my bed with you Friday night. I don't care if that sounded naughty I'm looking foward to my spanking ;)

baby this is really diffuclt

this is really hard, not seeing or talking to you for only a few days feels like years. I get to go three days seeing you then 4 not and thoose 3 days go by much faster then the 4 its just really really not fair. I just want to see you already, i want to run and jump into your arms, hug you and kiss you. This weekend shall be good we get to spend alot of time together so can we please make the very best out of it ?

When I miss you, sometimes I listen to music or look at pictures of you, not to remind me of you but to make me feel as if I'm with you. It makes me forget the distance and capture you

damn boy

your sexy ! nbd, ;)

I love you

& you just dont understand,

im so inlove that all i can do is cry

your one of the best things that has ever happened to me <3

Awesome Poem

Pet name, your eyes are as adjective as a celestial body

Your beauty is like that of name of a Greek Goddess

I often lose myself in your eyes/smile

It's degree of difficulty for me to contain my type of emotion for you

This is usually when I expletive your organ(s) out

When we're together it's like Heaven/Taco Bell

You're the adjective(est) girl I've ever known

Living without you would be like losing my adjective noun

I simply cannot verb without you

I couldn't go on if it meant I couldn't expletive you on my family member('s)

piece of furniture

It feels so adjective on my expletive when you verb it

So stay with me forever, and I'll be sure to expletive you for length of time and

degree of effort

Just thinking about it makes my expletive adjective

Love you

something scary

so last night, you wanted to go mini putting. I really really didn't want to mostly because I suck at golf. Anyways we went to Starbucks then trolled at Walmart instead, scary thing is though that there was someone murdered there a half an hour after you wanted to go three Innisfil teenagers are responsible for the death. I cried when I looked it up online, honestly God thankyou SO much for making me not want to go and not be the mood. You saved our lives.

What I love about you

I love everything about you, I love the way you make me smile, laugh,feel like the preetiest girl alive, you are special to me, you actually make the sun shine so bright. Listening to you talk makes me a really happy person ! Your smile, your eyes, your laugh the way the whole world can stop when it's me and you. I get that you love me and I love you too !

spent the day with you and alot of people

we spent the day together, with you and alot of people. it was actully really tough for me to personally handle, truth is im just so madly inlove with you that I hate not being able to "be with you" when were with everyone, I hate having to hide it. Its really hard for me but i know I have to push through it because thats life and reality. You the man of my dreams, your going to be husband one day and I know you don't notice but alot of the time when were with people ill just stare at you and you wont look at me but it dosent really bother me i love looking at your beautiful eyes even when your not looking at me. love you b missing our "us time" but i know it will come soon !

Pictures lol

I like this picture, it shows how serious we are. Look how bloody serious this picture is. I mean, it looks like your hacking into the Pentagon with elite hacking skills. Very sexy. I like a girl that can use a computer for international illegal warfare. Also note that Spencer is very excited and Derek may need to use the restroom.

Here's a picture of us. Sorry Andrew is in it. I think you look very cute in this picture. I love your hair like that and when you just have your pjs on. I love you in the morning, afternoon, and night. Excellent 10/10 5 stars.

Oh boy, now that's a hot mama right there. Sometimes I wonder how gorgeous you are on a scale for one to 78. Probably 10^78. That's a math joke explaining your mass beauty.

mwah, I'm going to bed ;)

spent the last three afternoons with this amazing boy

I spent the last three afternoons with this amazing boy, we just layed in bed, talked, listened to music and had fun together. I really do truly truly love him, he makes me a very very happy girl & when I look into his beautiful blue eyes the world just feels so okay and i feel like nothing bad could ever ever happen to me. Spending that much time together just made me really really really happy like i truly love ever single part of him, and truth be told sometime when we just laying with eachother ill check him out just to see how good i got it. cause to be honest I have it better then good, he respects me, listens to me and my opinions and loves me for who I am. I FRIGGEN LOVE THIS MAN, and am really excited to spend forever and ever with him <3

cutest thing you ever said to me.

your better then that musshy gushy bruno mars song, I still think about it all the time when you say that.

honest truth

to be honest, I miss him to pieces already :( and I just saw him like 6 hours ago, and we spent the whole afternoon with him, ohh i flippin love him to much <3

writing my song, heres the chorus I know it sucks idc.

I’ve fallen in love with you
Each day, each day its true
I want to spend the rest of my life time with you
Everything you say and everything you do
Makes me happy baby oh its so true
I really cant wait till the day that I get to marry you

today,

today was a great day, I went to his house after VBS and we layed in bed for a few hours. We had a good few chats and it was a nice day! I must admit though my favorite part about today was when he put me over his lap and spanked me. It was SO hot like my words can't describe. Anyways leaving it at that, Im so happy I get to call him mine <3

baby, baby, baby

everyone sees no hope for us, people think your going to break my heart and guess what I'm saying to them, SCREW YOU. he makes me happy, he can put a smile on my face when there is no reason for one, he makes me feel like nothing and no one can ever harm me, he is my man, and im his girl and I thank God for putting him into my life. It is a dream come true, and I am so lucky this happened to me. I just really hope this is a happily forever after and dosent have a bad ending.

Beyond the few falls we have had

I am friggen madly inlove and nothing is ever ever ever going to change that, there are going to be good days and bad days, like we had a bad day on Saturday night, I over reacted but the thing is he loved me enough to move on. But holy on Saturday (other then the fact that Saturday night happened) he came and woke me up, it was cute when he got in bed with me I was like tsieghdsgfstsdhgusdhgkjdsgHFRDEHFjurehgdsh inside and we just had a good time. he saw my tummy (my most insecure part of my body) and called it beautiful and for once I wasn't self consience. It was so nice that he we could just be us with no bullshit ! I love him SO much and I wish he knew how far I would actully go for him. FAR <3 anyways i'll leave it there. we dont really have any problems at all but that I miss him every second hes not around me, like HOLY i miss him alot when I dont see him, !

9 Days In

So it has been only nine frigen days into this "secret" relationship with this amazing boy, and it feels like honestly it has been alot longer then that. I'm so cool with waiting 860 more days and even though its a long time, and sometimes it frustrates me I would honestly wait forever for this boy. I feel like were taking this fast but then at the same time its not that were taking it fast its that were just being "bad" I guess you can say. I'm just a frisky teenage girl whoms homrmons are going, and it dosen't bother me that sometimes me and him get kinky I guess you can say its just its not right. It's not christian but at the same time I like it, I like it alot. I am going to try my hardest not to let it get like that, but if something does happen like that agian, then all we can do it come to the conclusion it wasnt right, ask for forgiveness and move on. God please help me fight through this all I want is for me and him to be happy with eachother and successful  in the future he makes me happy and I just want our relationship to be a good one <3

It all happened better then I thought

So frig, the most absolute thing happened last night. He was driving me home and had a secret to tell me he told me and thought I would totally not look at him the same way agian, but after that it just showed and proved to me how much he truly cares about me for telling me a secret. Then I told him I needed to tell him something I told him a friend of both of ours had come to me and said she thought if I was older we would be a cute couple. It took me a while for that whole sentence to come out and when it did he told me well that is what I was going to discuss with you on your 18th birthday. He told me he had fallen for me and loved me and I started to cry and told him I wanted to tell him for awhile but just couldnt do it. He held me in his arms like I was his girl and I cried and cried he asked me why and I said because I can't make you wait two years for me he said I will and I said I'll wait eternity for you. He brought me home & we couldn't say goodbye I would go to walk in and he'd come grab me or id turn around and run back to him. This boy is handsome, smart, funny, cute, adorable, kind, compassionate and mine and I am so grateful for that. Big deal if I have to wait two years till we date I will if that means we can be together. And when we kissed the whole world was put on pause & only we mattered. Last night changed the future of my life and I just really hope he dosent break me heart

Love can make you happy but often times it hurts,
but love is only special when you give it to who its worth.
I saw this and all I thought about is how friggen worth it you are.

I don't want to be a broken hearted girl

I just want to be your girl.

a broken heart on my part is worth your happiness.

I'm going to smile and make you think I'm happy, I'm going to laugh, so you don't see me cry, I'm going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me- I'm going to smile because all I want in this world is for you to be happy. Even if it breaks my heart its all that matters to me.

So I had a thought.

I have this thought, everyone always told me if you were living and happy before you met that person then you must be okay and happy when they leave. But truth is if you ever walked out of my life I wouldn't be okay, You make me the happiest girl on the planet, and before I met you I wasn't happy. If you were to walk out of my life forever I wouldnt want to live anymore, I wouldn't want to breathe a breathe without knowing we were okay. Today you called me your best friend and I hope one day you can call me your true love aswell. I care about you SO much that words cant explain and knowing I am an important part in your life worries me that one day I wont be.

You Have NO Idea.

We were driving in the car on our way home from Starbucks, and we got stuck in traffic because some loogin got their car stuck in the ditch. You told me you hoped for my sake that the first person I ever would fall inlove with would be the boy I marry. I told you I really hope your right, considering the fact that I am madly inlove with every little piece of you.

At Fifteen

After having my heart broken I asked God to protect my heart and not let in get hurt again. I asked him to peke me from falling in love, I asked him to hold me and not let my heart get caught up in any boy. Then you came along and swept me off my feet. I feel in love and always will I love you. There is no way in hell I am ever going to tell you how I feel, one day I am going to have to watch you marry another women and its going to break my heart but there is nothing I can do about it. I love you like my big brother but I also truly love you for you. You make me the happiest girl alive. And no football player, no prep, no other guy is ever going to meet the standards that you have set in my heart without even knowing. My soul mate is going to have to exceed what you have to offer me and the world and Im sorry but I don't see any other man meeting those expectatations. Me and you click and I don't think anyone is ever going to realize that.

How Much I Truly Love You

I love him like all the planets in the world combined in one big HEART <3

Your Six Years Older Then Me

So, truth is there is only one reason that I made this blog. Its not a place to let out all my feelings just one type. I am crazy about this boy who is six years older then me. Me and him do alot together and he makes me happy, he always knows what to day and so in all situations. He calls me pretty and not only does he care about me but I care about him to. I want him to be the happiest boy alive and I know that one day he will be weather he is with me or with another girl. I will however not be happy if I have to see him with another women one day but if that's what makes him happy then that is all that will matter. The only thing about him is that he is six years older then me, our relationship has always been strong in a brotherly sisterly way I just don't know how he is going to take it if I tell him how I truly feel. :(